In last month's blog I explained why eating can become a major issue after losing a loved one. In the early days, most grievers simply do not feel hungry. Or cannot swallow food.
Stress is mainly to blame. But food may also not taste the same as before or you may simply be too distracted and forget to eat until late at night. Dramatic weight loss in grief is therefore very common. If you are struggling with eating, know that you are not alone.
However, do we simply accept the situation and hope that some day, we will be eating normally again? The risk of this approach is increasing nutrient deficiencies which can make coping with grief so much harder.
But forcing ourselves to eat whenever well-meaning family members or friends encourage us to do so is also not the way to go about it. This will only put more strain on your already overstretched digestive system.
Our natural instincts protect us from eating when our body is not ready to accept food. And we should never go against our instincts. What we can do, however, is to help rekindle our appetite and feelings of hunger. One step at a time.
We all have a natural body clock which tells our body when to eat, sleep, wake or work. So, where possible, we need to work with it to give our body clock the cues it needs to keep all systems running smoothly.
Eating at about the same time each day is one such cue. When we manage to stick to a regular meal routine, our body knows when to produce the right amount of digestive juices that it needs to break down the food we eat. And when the levels are right, that’s when we feel hungry.
But herein lies the problem. I have yet to meet a single bereaved person who has managed to eat regularly, especially in the first few weeks and months after losing a loved one.
This is where family and friends can step in. They can help by encouraging you to drink some fresh ginger tea when you don’t feel hungry around mealtimes.
Fresh ginger is renowned for improving appetite and by drinking this tea when it would normally be time for breakfast, lunch or dinner, you are not skipping meals entirely. And getting some much-needed fluids into your body!
To keep it simple, I usually put some slices of chopped fresh ginger in a tea flask and top it up with some boiling water and the juice of half a lemon.
Once your appetite is returning, eat only warm and blended or mashed food at first. Your digestive system will need to gradually get used to more substantial food again. I wouldn’t recommend having wheat, cow’s dairy or red meat. They may all be too difficult for you to digest.
Grabbing anything that happens to be left in your cupboard or fridge may also not be very wise. Some foods such as cereal bars, popcorn or crips are drying and not ideal when your body may already be dehydrated from crying or forgetting to drink.
Because you may also not feel like grocery shopping, here is another way family, friends or neighbours can help: By making sure your pantry is well stocked with food that can be quickly turned into enticing and easy to digest meals.
To help you stock up with the right kind of food for those first few weeks when eating is a problem, here is a link to my ‘Store Cupboard Essentials’ with an adaptable shopping list, some quick breakfast ideas and tasty recipes.
Looking for additional guidance on what to eat after a major loss? Check out the webinar I presented for Full Circle Funerals last year.