The number of times I hear of bereaved people struggling with eating and asking others whether they have the same problem is staggering. But is it any wonder?

Not many people warn us of this effect of grief and, therefore, we are ill-prepared when we are suddenly confronted with a severe lack of appetite. Which may be okay initially. But when we have not been eating well for weeks and months, this eventually takes its toll on our health.

So, what on earth is going on?

Not feeling hungry is one of our body’s protective mechanisms when we are grieving. The powerful emotions that overwhelm us make it difficult for our body to process any food. Let alone the food many of us habitually eat - sandwiches, cereals with cold milk, wheat pasta, meat pies, macaroni cheese or pizza, to name just a few common dietary staples.

These foods are difficult to digest and we simply lack the energy and digestive strength to break them down.

Here’s why.

Apart from being exhausting, grief triggers a massive stress response that diverts blood away from our digestive system into our limbs and the heart. Ever heard of the ‘fight-and-flight’ response? Well, grief is also perceived as a major threat. ☹

Without sufficient blood in our stomach, food just sits there and starts to ferment, causing gas and bloating and other digestive issues.

But the problem can start higher up – in our mouth and throat.

How many times do you simply forget to drink? Or put it off until later?

Saliva has an important digestive function and a dry mouth indicates that your whole digestive system is dry. This includes your stomach which needs to produce up to 2 litres of stomach acid every day. That’s a lot when you are not drinking enough.

Lack of fluids is another reason why food can feel like a heavy brick in your stomach. And why acid reflux is another common ailment after a major loss.

Our emotional stress response also causes tension all along the digestive tract. This affects the vagus nerve which is a two-way communication highway between our brain and our gut. And this can cause difficulty swallowing – among other problems.

I was fortunate that I happened to eat lots of dark chocolate after my husband died which contains substances that help relax the smooth muscles in the throat. But simply chewing a handful of fennel seeds also does the trick as I found out later.

What else can help you eat better while your digestion is weak?

• To reduce stress and improve blood flow to your stomach, breathe deep into your belly before and after a meal. This stimulates the vagus nerve, putting you into rest-and-digest mode. This simple practice will also increase your digestive juices by up to 24%!
• Only eat cooked meals and drink warm fluids. Cold constricts blood flow as well.
• Keep meals small and easy to digest. ‘Baby’ food is best. Think of blended soups or stews, warm smoothies, stewed apples, or porridge. I heartily recommend this very nourishing and tasty smoothie.
• Add fresh ginger to everything you eat. And drink fresh ginger tea when you don’t feel like having breakfast. Ginger improves appetite and helps relieve nausea, constipation, acid reflux and any other digestive issues.

• Drink a glass of warm water with a wedge of lime and a pinch of salt before a meal. Anything sour or salty makes our digestive system juicier and increases the flow of saliva.

Need more tips on how to eat well again and manage stress? Have a listen to my interview with Karen Sutton, the Widow Coach, where we talk about the importance of good nutrition in grief.